FIFA Apology Letter to my Friend
Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:18 pm
I had to post an apology letter to my friend's Facebook wall.
What do you all think? Is it grovelly enough?
I suppose here is where I offer my utmost apologies for being such an unworthy opponent to you and your truly majestic FIFA skills.
There are many talking points to elaborate upon, but I shall focus on what I feel were the most important and memorable. I shall start with that utterly fantastic bicycle kick by Samuel Eto'o during your 7-0 demolition of my beloved Cardiff whilst you played as the mighty Cameroon, it truly was the stuff that dreams are made of. I should also apologise for the fact that due to my incompetence, Eto'o had to score six of these goals which more than likely became monotonous and dreary for him, please offer my sincere apology next time you play as him.
I now move on to the epic battle between Lyon and Norwich City, I did somehow actually manage to scramble in a goal during this 12-1 encounter, however it meant little as Wes Hoolahan's strike only brought the scoreline to 3-1. You were to go on to score 8 more glorious goals against the unfortunate Canaries, I know as some mathematically minded people read this they will undoubtedly think 'WHAT?! 3 plus 8 is 11! What an utter foolbag this doofus is' and they would be correct on both counts. However the reason I say this is because as I'm sure you remember, whilst you were on one of your many attacks down the right wing, my defender Naughton was trying in desperation to break the legs of every single Lyon player in the penalty area, and as you beautifully whipped in a cross, I can only think that he adopted the old 'if you can't beat em', join em'' attitude and planted a big old triumphant bastard of a header past his own unsuspecting goalkeeper and into the top corner of is own net. I again apologise for this because I am sure that under your more than capable control, an one of the remaining un-maimed players would have been perfectly able to score a much better goal. I must offer my apologies to the entire Lyon team, as my showing on the pitch may well have caused them to lose faith in the game, please assure them that the reason they witnessed such abysmal opposition is that you are, and always will be, a much, much better player than I, and therefore made my yellowy team look like a bunch of dreadful excuses for professionals who people may think had to have help getting into their kits as their incompetence is that glaringly obvious.
In conclusion, I must wholeheartedly admit that you are the single greatest player in the history of FIFA and I was no match for your unrivalled talent for the beautiful game.
I am very sorry, I hope this goes some way to making up for the way I selfishly wasted your valuable time just so I could play against such a master in the hope of some of the magic rubbing off on me.
I feel privileged to have seen a genius at work.
What do you all think? Is it grovelly enough?
I suppose here is where I offer my utmost apologies for being such an unworthy opponent to you and your truly majestic FIFA skills.
There are many talking points to elaborate upon, but I shall focus on what I feel were the most important and memorable. I shall start with that utterly fantastic bicycle kick by Samuel Eto'o during your 7-0 demolition of my beloved Cardiff whilst you played as the mighty Cameroon, it truly was the stuff that dreams are made of. I should also apologise for the fact that due to my incompetence, Eto'o had to score six of these goals which more than likely became monotonous and dreary for him, please offer my sincere apology next time you play as him.
I now move on to the epic battle between Lyon and Norwich City, I did somehow actually manage to scramble in a goal during this 12-1 encounter, however it meant little as Wes Hoolahan's strike only brought the scoreline to 3-1. You were to go on to score 8 more glorious goals against the unfortunate Canaries, I know as some mathematically minded people read this they will undoubtedly think 'WHAT?! 3 plus 8 is 11! What an utter foolbag this doofus is' and they would be correct on both counts. However the reason I say this is because as I'm sure you remember, whilst you were on one of your many attacks down the right wing, my defender Naughton was trying in desperation to break the legs of every single Lyon player in the penalty area, and as you beautifully whipped in a cross, I can only think that he adopted the old 'if you can't beat em', join em'' attitude and planted a big old triumphant bastard of a header past his own unsuspecting goalkeeper and into the top corner of is own net. I again apologise for this because I am sure that under your more than capable control, an one of the remaining un-maimed players would have been perfectly able to score a much better goal. I must offer my apologies to the entire Lyon team, as my showing on the pitch may well have caused them to lose faith in the game, please assure them that the reason they witnessed such abysmal opposition is that you are, and always will be, a much, much better player than I, and therefore made my yellowy team look like a bunch of dreadful excuses for professionals who people may think had to have help getting into their kits as their incompetence is that glaringly obvious.
In conclusion, I must wholeheartedly admit that you are the single greatest player in the history of FIFA and I was no match for your unrivalled talent for the beautiful game.
I am very sorry, I hope this goes some way to making up for the way I selfishly wasted your valuable time just so I could play against such a master in the hope of some of the magic rubbing off on me.
I feel privileged to have seen a genius at work.
Sounds good to me 
