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Ok, so i don't mean to creep everyone out but i've got a bit of a dilemma. It's a bit sick to, it's about a friend that i've known since my first year at school and we were best mates since but we sort of drifted away from each other over the past two years. We still see each other but not as much as before. I just need some extra voices to help with this.

Ok here goes, he's been convicted of downloading child porn and having sex with someone under 16, what i want to know is what you guys think i should do, either stick with him and give him a second chance or leave him alone and not forgive him, lots of my best friends have told me to give him the benefit of the doubt and a couple have said they don;t want to talk to him anymore. His girlfriend has left him etc etc. I would be very grateful for any advice anyone has to give and personal opinions, i don't mind how blunt.

Cheers Ed

BTW i don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable

MetalMilitant41 wrote:Ok, so i don't mean to creep everyone out but i've got a bit of a dilemma. It's a bit sick to, it's about a friend that i've known since my first year at school and we were best mates since but we sort of drifted away from each other over the past two years. We still see each other but not as much as before. I just need some extra voices to help with this.

Ok here goes, he's been convicted of downloading child porn and having sex with someone under 16, what i want to know is what you guys think i should do, either stick with him and give him a second chance or leave him alone and not forgive him, lots of my best friends have told me to give him the benefit of the doubt and a couple have said they don;t want to talk to him anymore. His girlfriend has left him etc etc. I would be very grateful for any advice anyone has to give and personal opinions, i don't mind how blunt.

Cheers Ed

BTW i don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable

No, people have come here with personal problems before, its alright.

Well i think you should at least try sticking with him, he's probably going through a hard time right now. Was he found guilty?

Ah, i should of put that i suppose, he's been very lucky and avoided prison, he's got 6 months probation and 100 hours community service. As soon as i found out i wanted to strangle him for ruining his life prospects, that crime stays on a police record until you die. I have already shared an msn convo with him but it didn't last long, thank you for your opinion, im kind of swaying in that direction and sticking with him

MetalMilitant41 wrote:Ah, i should of put that i suppose, he's been very lucky and avoided prison, he's got 6 months probation and 100 hours community service. As soon as i found out i wanted to strangle him for ruining his life prospects, that crime stays on a police record until you die. I have already shared an msn convo with him but it didn't last long, thank you for your opinion, im kind of swaying in that direction and sticking with him

He's human he makes mistakes just like we all do. Yeah, he is a registered sex offender now and that life really sucks. He needs someone to help him through everything, lifes gonna be hard for him now.

Well I don't know the guy but watching child porn is disgusting.

It's actually a really difficult situation indeed. On one hand I wouldn't judge a friend by what he/she is sexually attracted to, same as a friend saying that he/she is homosexual, it wouldn't change the way I felt about that person. Bang panda bears for all I care.
On the other hand it IS illegal, not to mention creepy as all hell.
To be honest- talk to him about it. Let him say his point of view about your friendship. It's a choice you have to make on your own, because I don't really know how deep your friendship is, what's he like, why you drifted apart etc. I'm pretty sure he can't help the way he is.

mistakes are more like excuses...human mind can be absolutely amazing but sometimes it can be really stupid ...sometimes it works like ''should I do this?why not tomorrow I will call it a mistake and everything will be alright'' ...fuck I hate mistakes ...the other stupid sentence is ''I am what I am''...just another excuse for not trying to change your personality and make yourself a better man ...people are unstoppable artists when we talk about finding excuses for their stupid actions ...

Even though you can see how much I do hate mistakes and excuses,I am able to forgive ...but there are things I would never forgive I admit that ...

you forgot to write the most important part of this ...how is he ???is he angry,or ashamed?Does he feel pain and he realizes that he is the dick in this situation or he wants to shoot his gf for leaving him ?? If he have regrets and wants to fight his personality and if he does not blame everyone esle but himself,than you should give it a try ...but be aware of lies because that is just another ability of humanity ...

if you wanna find out if he have regrets,then do not ask him,but observe...

Personally, I'd probably want to know all the facts about the situation, and how the friend feels about all that's happened. Considering everything I knew, I'd trust my instincts. If I felt I couldn't be friends with them, I wouldn't be. Or if I felt I should give them a second chance, I'd do that.

He knows he's made a mistake, he's ashamed of himself i know that much, he's in a pretty bad state. I don't want to judge him exactly, i feel in my heart that i want to give him a second chance, but theres a little voice in my head saying that he could do it again, i've found out that he lied to his girlfriend about his trial so i'm afiad that in the future there could be more lies. I know him very well even though we sort of difted apart, unfortunately he's a great guy but temptations get the better of him, this is my problem i don't to believein someone i even slightly think will let me down. But i guess it's all i can do, i think for a couple of days seeing as his whole world has caved in i won't try and talk to him, maybe at the weekend i'll try and have a chat if he wants to. I'll see how he reacts more to the situation before i talk to him basically, i thin he's distraught and ashamed and he must understand about his relationship. The human mind sometimes is a funny thing yes, it registers whats bad but makes us feel desire towards them , damn the fucking human condition. When all this is done and dusted i may write a song, lyrically and musically for the first time in a long while, just need to poor my feelings into something.

Thank you, you've all helped me assess the situation. He just needs a bit of time and then if he wants to and i want to we'll have a good old chat, i'll still be his friend at the end of the day. But i couln't forgive him again after this

Thanks

the porn thing is really creepy man,on the other hand having consented sex with someone under 16 is legal over here so i see no problem there
i don't like to judge people but if he's into child porn he's got issues man, i hate the fact that some assholes get excited with kids, seriously wtf??
i'm for death penalty when it comes to pedos and rapists, though that's another topic

While I think the child porn thing is very fucked up, the sex with a minor isn't too bad as long as they aren't more than a few years apart, for example like 15 and 19 would be acceptable. As far as I know, that is still legal. How old is he?

just tell him it's fun being a sex offender, I'm loving life.

I think the porn thing is disgusting. But about the sex with the underaged girl, if he fell in love with her and stuff and they made love to eachother I don't think it's really a bad thing.. depending on what age he is. But with the downloading porn stuff, he probably just did it for the kick, wich is wrong.

You can forgive people for their mistakes, but some mistakes are too big. You'll have to decide for yourself if this mistake is too big.

When I was 16, I had sex with a 15 year old. Doesn't seem that wrong to me. Never watch kiddie porn though.

Boni Boy Blue wrote:When I was 16, I had sex with a 15 year old. Doesn't seem that wrong to me. Never watch kiddie porn though.

KIDDY FIDDLER!!!! CALL THE POLICE!!!! LOCK HIM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY!!!!

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS, BONI. THE KIDS!!!!

honestly i think i'd give him a second chance. i tried thinking if this happened to some of my closest friends i would look past it. you should try to look at it from his point of view. everyone probably hates him now or will treat him differently. he probably needs someone to just treat him like he's normal and help him through this. as long as he's truely sorry for it i would give him a second chance but i dont really know how you personally feel towards the situation so idk what you should do.

Things are different nowadays, society frowns on young couples that have more than four years between them. My grandparents and my mom and dad have seven years between them. My mom and dad met when she was seventeen and he was almost twenty four. You wouldn't think anything off them now cause they're married, but if they were that age today and were dating, people would look down on them for that. If someone is eighteen or nineteen and they have sex with a seventeen year old, they risk that chance of being charged. It's quite ridiculous but that law exists to protect anyone and everyone under eighteen from legit sex predators.

And the child porn thing is disgusting.

2712 wrote:Things are different nowadays, society frowns on young couples that have more than four years between them. My grandparents and my mom and dad have seven years between them. My mom and dad met when she was seventeen and he was almost twenty four. You wouldn't think anything off them now cause they're married, but if they were that age today and were dating, people would look down on them for that. If someone is eighteen or nineteen and they have sex with a seventeen year old, they risk that chance of being charged. It's quite ridiculous but that law exists to protect anyone and everyone under eighteen from legit sex predators.

And the child porn thing is disgusting.

yeah my grandpa would be considered a pedo, he was 18 years older than my grandma

Yeah i agree it's disgusting, i've been having short conversations with him and trying to persaude him to have a serious one but he's not ready yet i suppose, he says that he thought the girl was 17 and that after she knew he was being charged she spread rumours about the child porn, i find this hard to believe because it was printed in black and white in the local newspaper here. Oh well i'll kepp trying, thank you for all your opinions, and some of your kind words lol