Should you follow your heart? / last 3 years of my life

[Tyler.]

Ok, so the only person that's gonna know my story already is Sarah (gutter dreams), but it's really long so i'll give a quick run down.

This girl likes me a lot for about 8 months. I never like her back as more than a friend. Then one day when hanging out with her it clicks, and all of a sudden i'm like HOLY SHIT, i like this girl.

Shortly after that, i asked her out. we went it, it was amazing. we went out for nearly a year and fell in love along the way.

then all of a sudden last year it just changed from her end. i know she was in love with me before, maybe even more than i was back some times, but then it just changed.

so yeah, she broke up with me. about a year ago now. since then, i haven't gotten with any other chicks. mainly because i don't really feel like it. i mean, in the last year, i've gone out more than i ever had before, i've met more new people than i ever have before, but none of them i feel like getting to know, because they don't seem to fit me.

since the girl dumped me, our friendship has been so random. we'll be best friends for a while, then she'll not talk to me for ages, then we'll hook up at some drunken night out, then we'll be best friends for a while then she'll just stop talking to me.

she's been with 3 maybe 4 guys since me, just dated or whatever, and none of them have lasted more than a month. it just makes me think i was better for her than most anyone else could be.

i guess now, i just want to be her friend. we talk occasionally, and i might ask her to coffee or lunch or some shit soon. i don't care whether we ever go out again or not, i just want to be her friend, because she was my best friend.

so like, should i bother with this? or should i just do the smart thing and forget about her completely. that would probably be the easier way out, but is it better to do what my heart says, or do the smart thing.

my life is so boring now. i don't want to kill myself or anything, but it's just so boring. it's like nothing happens without her at least being my friend. i'm kinda determined to turn that around, but don't know whether i should or just find a new person somehow.

anyway kinda pointless post probably but i felt like talking.

[sum54184]

I don't know but i think if she's good to you just keep her around as a friend always keep the good people around.... if you feel that she ignores you some times or she just call you when she needs something ... then get rid of her. and keep in mind life never stops at one person .

[Tyler.]

I don't know but i think if she's good to you just keep her around as a friend always keep the good people around.... if you feel that she ignores you some times or she just call you when she needs something ... then get rid of her. and keep in mind life never stops at one person .

it's weird, because when she's around she makes me happier than any other friend can. but it's not often that she is around.

just to clarify something, i had other girlfriends before and thought i was in love before, but that was just me being stupid. this one was real.

[UltraKolby]

If you forget about her, you're going to regret it later on in life. Have you ever talk to her about this? Maybe if you two talk about your friendship, you two can be friends.

[lisaNL]

I wouldn't cut her out off your life completely but friendship has to come from both ways and judged by your story she isn't putting the same effort in it as you do. I would take her out to lunch like you're already planning to do and talk to her about it.

[Dylan]

shit sucks man. i know how you feel, a year ago i was really fucked up emotionally. i asked this girl out, but she said she didn't "want to be in a relationship" and just wanted to be friends. so i played the friend thing for a few months and we ended up going to my graduation party together. i really wanted her to like me, because whenever she was in the same room as me i felt better. i'd think about her every night and it tore me apart that she didn't want me. at the grad party all she did was get drunk with this other guy, i found out later that they'd been going out for a week already and i lost it inside. i hated her, but i hated myself for wasting my time. she lied to my face countless times and just used me to go to the grad party so she could be with him.

here's the moral of the story:

you can say that you'll forget her, but you won't. even though i can say that i don't care about that bitch anymore, i am still not over it. i just have to push it aside and wait until someone else comes into my life, someone who actually wants to be with me. someone that actually cares for me and makes me feel better and makes me forget all about that other bitch. shit sucks, but it gets easier with time.

[FuckT41182]

she's been with 3 maybe 4 guys since me, just dated or whatever, and none of them have lasted more than a month. it just makes me think i was better for her than most anyone else could be.

sorry,but I really think that she just realised that she needs a different shaft in her airport every month ...

[Tyler.]

shit sucks man. i know how you feel, a year ago i was really fucked up emotionally. i asked this girl out, but she said she didn't "want to be in a relationship" and just wanted to be friends. so i played the friend thing for a few months and we ended up going to my graduation party together. i really wanted her to like me, because whenever she was in the same room as me i felt better. i'd think about her every night and it tore me apart that she didn't want me. at the grad party all she did was get drunk with this other guy, i found out later that they'd been going out for a week already and i lost it inside. i hated her, but i hated myself for wasting my time. she lied to my face countless times and just used me to go to the grad party so she could be with him.

here's the moral of the story:

you can say that you'll forget her, but you won't. even though i can say that i don't care about that bitch anymore, i am still not over it. i just have to push it aside and wait until someone else comes into my life, someone who actually wants to be with me. someone that actually cares for me and makes me feel better and makes me forget all about that other bitch. shit sucks, but it gets easier with time.

it's so messed up. like i wish i could just hate her, that would make getting over all of it even easier. but the fact is she's never done anything to make me hate her. she didn't get with any other guys for like 6 months after we broke up. she wasn't just dumping me for someone else. we've had some good times since. in a way i wish she had done something really bad to me so that i could hate her...lol.

[Dylan]

it's so messed up. like i wish i could just hate her, that would make getting over all of it even easier. but the fact is she's never done anything to make me hate her. she didn't get with any other guys for like 6 months after we broke up. she wasn't just dumping me for someone else. we've had some good times since. in a way i wish she had done something really bad to me so that i could hate her...lol.

dude, it doesn't make it easier at all.

i worked at a grocery store and i'd be having a great time with my co-workers dicking around, but if she came in and walked by, or i'd see her for a split second across the aisle, my mood would get completely deflated. and even though i hated her, whenever i saw her in the store i couldn't bring myself to tell her off. instead, i looked for excuses to leave the sales floor.

believe me when i say, it is not easy to "just forget" about someone that you once cared for.

[Resident Skumfuk]

and i might ask her to coffee or lunch or some shit soon.

You should definitely do this.. In my opinion, just completely open up to her, and if she doesn't feel the same, and she straight up tells you, then something inside you will change. If she loves/loved you she won't keep you waiting without answers anymore.

believe me when i say, it is not easy to "just forget" about someone that you once cared for.

Very, very true.

[Bobbyjames]

have you spoken to her about all this, like how you feel about it and your friendship?

[Tyler.]

have you spoken to her about all this, like how you feel about it and your friendship?

well in the year since she broke up with me, yeah. not like a full on proper discussion just about it but i've mentioned stuff. i think she would get a little annoyed if i talked about it, like i had before and she pointed out that some of her best friends that have moved away they're still best friends but it doesn't mean they have to talk heaps and hang out heaps. i don't live really far away but it is hard for us to hang out and see each other regularly. so she's sort of said that even if we don't hang out a lot like we used to we're still friends. it's just not great for me because when we hang out is when im happy lol.

i'm a lot better than i used to be btw, miserableness-wise. i just feel lately i've been thinking a lot and i just want to grow up and get over it and just be friends, because i can easily see us being friends for a long time because i'm never a douche to her like some other guys she's been friends with.

[Jeremy Kill]

If you enjoy spending time with her and you're fine with being her friend, then I say go for it. Don't burn your bridges because maybe one day she'll come around again, but I wouldn't just stay friends with her for that reason alone. You should stay friends with her if it makes you happy and just make sure she knows that and you're not trying to be her boyfriend again or something.

[Jake]

My professional opinion:

[Bobbyjames]

sympathetic, as always.

[Shelley41]

You should really talk to her about this. Then it will be clear for both of you.

[Susanne]

Try and be her friend if you feel like it AND if she feels like it too. But if it seems like she doesn't care, I wouldn't bother. I know from my own experience what it's like to try and be friends with someone when the other person doesn't seem to want your friendship anymore. It sucks, but if they don't want to be your friends, there's nothing you can do about it.

I had a friend who at times wanted to hang out, but then ditched me and our other friends for her "new and better" friends. Guess we weren't cool enough for her. She lied straight to our face and treated us like shit. Eventually she seemed to get it that because of the way she'd turned into, we didn't like her anymore. So she stopped contacting and ignored us at school for a while. Now she talks to us occasionally, but we'll never be friends again.

So my advice would be to try spending more time with her and talking to her to find out how she feels. See if you can make the friendship work out (but if it starts to resemble the "frienship" I had, I'd say it's not working out).

[FuckT41182]

My professional opinion:

only honest man on this forum ! + me

[Madjid]

I think you should get over this whole issue man, i know it's easier said than done, but trust me, i've been in your shoes like hundreds of times before, it sucks, but you'll have a good laugh about it later on in your life.
If the girl broke up with you, it may mean that she wants something she couldn't find you ( big penis? Could be ) So i don't think you should force yourself on her in any way, by constantly asking her to meet you and shit, your friendship can never be as it was now that you guys broke up, i'd say just date another girl, and another girl, and another girl, keep yourself busy, and live your life, it's too damn short to spend it being frustrated over a relationship.

[Heather]

I would tell her how you feel honestly, her answer/reply will probably let you know what you need to do.