In need of friends

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In need of friends

Postby Filespit on Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:49 pm

Well, since you can write about your problems here, I figured I'd share something personal that I've been pondering about; I am in huge need of some new friends.

This may sound like I don't have any, but the truth is I do, I've got a whole bunch of them actually. So why this thread? Simple, none of them ever calls me, texts me, writes me on msn and so on. If I want to get in contact with them, it's always down to me to take the first step, it's never them. It feels like they ignore me somehow. Three years ago, back in 2007, I moved away from home to study at a folk high school, as it's called here in Sweden. I was placed in the most perfect house (it was a boarding school), with people that shared the exact same interest as me. I was in freaking paradise! These guys became my best friends ever, and my closest. But once that year ended, we all moved back home, and we were all spread around the country, which means we have to travel extremely long to see each other. We keep in touch with each other, and we see each other as often as we can. I will most likely go see some of these guys in Marsh, when Rise Against is in Stockholm. That'll be like 6 months since we last saw each other. These guys are my best friends, but we can't see each other that often, and it sucks, real hard in fact. But these guys are not my problem, and not the guys that ignores me. Those I'm talking about is my friends in my hometown, where I come from.

Back home I've got some friends I've known for years, some of them even since daycare. In 7th-9th grade we were together like all the time. Every weekend we met at someone's place and played video games all night. Those were awesome times! But once we all graduated from upper secondary school, we all sort of split. As mentioned, I moved away for a year, while the others started working. Once I got back, we never saw each other. After the summer break in 2008, I moved again, this time to study at a university. Once back after my first year, we met to play some football (soccer). We instantly connected again, and that made that summer great! We hung out a bunch of times! After that summer, in 2009, one of the guys moved to study at the same university as me. We saw each other a few times, and the other guys came and visited once. Actually twice, but I was in Stockholm to see Rise Against when they were there the second time. After like 3 months, he quit his education as it wasn't his thing, and guess what, the other guys never came to visit me alone. After christmas 2009, we started playing football (soccer...) every weekend in a sporting hall (we used to do that in upper secondary school as well). But last summer, we all sort of split again.

I went to see AC/DC in Stockholm with my brother and some of his friends. Two days after AC/DC had played, Green Day were gonna play in Gothenburg. I had discussed it with my friends, and I told them that if they were gonna go see them, keep me updated. Once back after AC/DC, I stumble upon one of the guys one day, and the first thing he says is "Did you go see Green Day!?". I didn't say anything, but I felt disappointed, I had asked them after all to call me if they were gonna go there. Summer 2010 came, and I got a summer job. We never saw each other that summer, because I worked and had some completing to do on my studies. But this fall I got even more disappointed. My birthday is in September, so about a week and a half before my birthday I invited the guys to my house. "Absolutely! We'll be there!" was their answer. The day before my birthday, I was at the hospital to do some test, and I ran into one of the guys there. I reminded him, "Tomorrow is my birthday, you're all welcome.". "Yeah, we'll try to be there." was his answer. Birthday came, but none of the guys showed up. No one even texted a "happy birthday". That made me extremely disappointed, I had reminded them and all.

My local friends, friends I've had since several years backwards, never calls to and asks if I'd like to take a beer, or if I want to come over and watch a football (soccer...) game, so I never see them. My best friends are spread all around the country, which makes it expensive to go see them, which means I cannot see them very often. I am extremely jealous of my little brother, it feels like he has a million friends, he always have someone to hang out with. Me, I sit home a lot, because no one ever calls. It's always down to me to contact them. I ran into one of the guys like two months ago, and we discussed playing football (soccer) in that sporting hall again. 20 minutes later I had booked it for every coming saturday. Saturday came, no one showed up, no one even called and said they couldn't make it. Earlier today I sent a text message to two of the guys, and asked them if they wanted to go play football (soccer) tomorrow. Both are yet to answer, and I don't expect an answer. But again, it's me whose taken the first step.

I've never been the most social person, I really havn't, but my best friends (all around the country) likes to hang out with me, and love it when I visit or when they visit me. But my local friends, friends that I have near me all the time, never seem to want to hang out. Why don't I have friends here that I can hang out with, go see a movie with, take a beer with, go to a concert with and so on.

Wow, this thread became even larger than I expected. So if anyone feel like reading this piece of crap, feel free to leave a comment. I really need some more friends, but where can I find them? Peace out...
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Gregorovich on Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:13 pm

Shit man... I think I'm kinda in the same boat as you. I was at a tiny community school on a small island in the middle of nowhere for the first 8 years of my education, and everybody there knew each other so well- we were all freakin best friends. But my mum moved me away to a private boarding school in the city for a better education- im glad now in that respect, but all my friends i held so dear from before just sorta drifted away. i never really talk to them. i mean, i still see them occasionally when im on holiday cos my family still live there, but i talk to them and see them less and less, and a while ago i started to realise i really didnt care about them any more, as much as i would hate to admit it. meanwhile, and my new school, i jump around social groups like a locust or something but whenever i try and settle in and be friends with people, something will happen that will fuck it all up and i really know how you feel to not really belong anywhere. its a killer irony that i always have to make the first move in talking to people and doing stuff, yet i kinda lack the conifidence and personality to do it. it was always the same - id ask a few of my friends to to out into town or do something to stop making my weekend so boring. no matter who id ask, i always got the reply that they were busy, or out of town, or stuck inside. facebook said otherwise lol... its just what pisses me off is that i meet loads of new people but i can never grab hold on anybody.

my suggestion (as good as they come, im afraid :S) would be to find something personal to concentrate on. personally im going for academic success as the main goal of my next couple of years instead of a social life. im not a nerd, i just want something realistic to aim for. ive realised that if i cant hold on to people who are moving past me, i can hold onto my own ambitions- id rather take a stab at getting into oxford than get lost in my own trail trying to find somebody to hang out with. maybe if youre a musical goon, get set up with a band or something like that, or something like that if youre into some sort of proffession (i really dunno lol... its a personal thing) i guess ill just try and enjoy the ride untill i find something permanent... i think where people live and what their social groups are really fucks everything up.

anyhoo, i hope that kinda helped... or at least gave you something vaguely interesting to read for a wee while.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Jeremy Kill on Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:18 pm

Well, I actually read that entire thing and mostly because I think I'm in the same position, though I'm not too fazed by it.

I still live in my hometown and there's still friends here that I used to hang out with in High School. We'd go to parties and drink and have a good time. After we graduated, we'd sometimes get together and hangout at local bars but as the years went by we slowly stopped hanging out and calling each other to have a few beers. I think it's mostly on my part of wanting to leave this town for bigger things and I don't want to have tie-ins with the place I grew up in anymore. Eventually I found that there's friends that I enjoy hanging out with and friends that I'll hang out with when everyone else is busy.

I mostly keep in touch with my friends through Facebook. I live an hour apart from most of them, but I drive up every once in a while for a party and to hang out. There's still a small group of friends from High School that I still keep in touch with.

I just recently started meeting new people since October. It's funny because I would go to these local shows at bars in the city by myself because for whatever reason, my friend could never come with me. I just shrugged it off (we've been friends since we were 6 years old) and just kept going to these shows alone. Eventually (thanks to getting drunk) I got to know the bands and their friends on a more personal level. Now they invite me to attend their shows and things like that and I don't have to feel awkward when I go to a show alone.

tl;dr - Just go out and do something you enjoy if it's going to local shows at various punk rock bars and clubs like me or something else like sports. You'll eventually make friends that have the same interests as you. That's not to say these people will be BFF's, but you can almost always count on having someone to hang out with.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Heather on Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:25 am

same boat, I have only one friend (in Maine I talk to daily and another (in Finland) that almost the same. I try to stay in touch with so many people, with Facebook, phone calls, texts, anything...never get replies back. I have one college friend that, so far, were keeping in touch. Other than that, you guys are who I chat with the most. I think thats why I got so into playing guitar and writing music, a guitar is a friend that will never leave you, question you, betray you, or disappoint you.

so, imo I'd do what Gregorovich said, find something meaningful to you. That could lead you to people you have a lot in common with. Thats actually how I "met" the two friends I talked about...music interest
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Simon on Sat Jan 08, 2011 10:05 am

I'm too lazy to read your post, but don't worry. I have not had any actual friends for years and I'm still alive. Last year I didn't even receive one call on my birthday, two the year before (haven't heard from them again). I just hang out with my brother all the time and we make fun of everything because we both pretty much despise everyone in this pathetic country and nobody except us gets it. It's kind of like what Stevo once said about Sum 41 when they were still young: "We watch us constantly, we listen to us constantly, we think we're the funniest and coolest people on the earth!"
Living in your own world is always easier than living in everyone else's.

Get something going in your life and you won't have to worry about friends. Doesn't matter if it's music, school, work or whatever, just do something that means something to you.

The moment you let yourself get depressed over random people not being interested in you is the moment you stop being interesting and end up in a deadlock.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby lisaNL on Sat Jan 08, 2011 10:07 am

Same story for me. I do have some friends but I almost never hang out with them after school. And like said before I found other things to focus on in my life.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Simon on Sat Jan 08, 2011 10:12 am

Sum 41 - Our true fans have almost no friends, just like us.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Druska on Sat Jan 08, 2011 3:07 pm

I do have friends , problem is that i don't see them every day, cos one of them studies in madrid,others in tarragona and the rest in barcelona(where i study), problem is that the city is too damn big plus we're busy most of the time
is kinda weird cos when i'm hanging out with my college friends i miss my hometown friends and viceversa
though i must admit that when i was like 7/8 i was quite an antisocial kiddo, my mom told me once that my teacher called her cos i wrote something like i'd rather be alone than with classmates,
people change, we grow up, meet new people
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Re: In need of friends

Postby 182sins on Sat Jan 08, 2011 8:31 pm

Same here, I have friends, and I talk to them sometimes, not as much as I'd like to... My guitar is one of my best friends, I think that people like us musicians live in their world, and that's pretty hard for the others to understand it I guess. Well, that's the way it is.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby FuckT41182 on Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:39 am

be gay ...it always works ! and if you will get extremely lucky you will get to know two lesbians,then you will convince them about you being gay and they will let you watch their show !
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Re: In need of friends

Postby bizzyd53 on Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:48 pm

FuckT41182 wrote:be gay ...it always works ! and if you will get extremely lucky you will get to know two lesbians,then you will convince them about you being gay and they will let you watch their show !


smh.
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Re: In need of friends

Postby Mr-David-Blues on Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:27 pm

sounds like your friends are boring bastards

sorry

go out make new ones

you will only ever keep in touch with about 10% or less of your friends from your schooling years
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Re: In need of friends

Postby stevie486 on Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:30 pm

totally on same boat as lot you have said, I know lot people or supposedly have bunch friends on Facebook, lol, but it's exactly the same for me, I have to speak to them for them to speak back to me and sometimes on some occasions they don't even reply back, suppose one problem for me is I don't really socialise but I've had/have confidence problems, it's just not my thing out drinking and that etc, only if it's occasional family parties or when I'm out shopping or at work in public I socialise then.

but as much as I would love to have one or two or a few good proper friend/friends, at same time I'm kinda just like whatever I've got other things I can still do to keep me occupied, but it does suck at times when you start to feel too lonely.

Music is what keeps things alive for me if am honest, writing songs, playing guitar, following Sum 41 etc
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