Revisiting the past

[Simon]

I hope I went for the right sub-board, since this is also Sum 41 and music related but kind of in a personal way.
I'm not really looking for help or anything, I just wanted to share some of my recent thoughts.
It's also a good example of what's so amazing about the internet and technology today, the durability of information, so here we go:

I was curious about my first posts ever on this site and I found this topic about Underclass Hero and read myself through the entire topic again in no time, taking a little trip down memory lane (I think it's quite interesting, so go for it if you have the time)

Doing that made me realize, how incredibly much our own life situation affects our perception of music. At that time, With Me and Best Of Me were songs that I always skipped when listening to Underclass Hero, because I thought they were boring and the sound was annoying. I was enjoying simple life, partying with friends, making my first proper rockband experiences, studying audio engineering and making plans to move out of my parents place along with my best friend from back in school. So this was summer 2007, a couple of months before meeting the girl I would hopelessly fall in love with. That was when I began listening to With Me a lot and also to the whole album again and again because it was a such a nice ride and the song fit in perfectly. I even "wrote" a piano song that sounds kind of similar. But I was so blindly in love, I didn't notice I was about to be stabbed in the back and when I did, it was too late. I won't go into detail about what happened, but it lead to me having a mental breakdown, losing my job, having to quit studying, being kicked into a deep depression, losing all my "friends" and pretty much everyone else who I thought meant anything to me, either failed or abandoned me (with the exception of my little brother, who I'm glad didn't really have an idea what was going on). I was at the edge of life last year and all I can say is I'm lucky to be still around.
So, when I try to listen to With Me today, I can only feel a sickening mix of sadness, hate and anger build up until I shut it off. I can laugh at or make fun of other love songs, but not that one. Funny thing is I can stand listening to Always, because it wasn't out before things turned ugly, so I related to it differently. I don't really enjoy it, but I like to play along on the drums occasionally.
I wonder how that compares to Derycks feelings about those songs, because I tried playing that piano song again once and ... well, let's say the result was wet, but not in a happy way, lol.

I don't really have a conclusion or question but if you managed to read through all of this, I'd like to hear what you agree/disagree or relate with otherwise.

[Jake-41]

First off, i enjoy reading anything by you, Simon.

Secondly, i can relate. I dated a girl for six months. That may be not a lot to some, but to me it was a very life changing experience. At this time, i was just getting into music. First song i ever hear, "Underclass Hero" by this pussy band named Sum 41. Who the fuck, i said. So i went to their Myspace soon after this, and i thought these are nothin' but a bunch of teenage queers who i could never really like.

Many, many months later i somehow got back onto their Myspace. Then i listened to music videos, and eventually bought DTLI and that came with the DVD. This shaped my mentality very, very much. Before this, i wore boot-cut jeans, and was basically was what i needed to be to fit in wear i live, that being Kentucky. I eventually looked deeper, and deeper at the world, and got more into punk. Before i knew what was going on, i just wanted to be different than everyone else. The point of all that is, when i first heard With Me, it was our "song". I even made a very pussy comment on the music video, which had her name in it, and told her to read it. Months later, she broke up with me, for some other dude. She didn't think of it as cheating, but i did. After this, i spun into depression, and those thought still follow me everyday. I see her all the time. Almost everyday, even. I never speak. It kills me to not have her, i still love her with all my heart.

Now look at me; I wear black, wristbands, belts, get tattoo's, dye my hair, and yet i might still appear as the same person i was before i heard UH. But not on the inside. Over 2-3 years I've completely transformed. Not to say i don't look better, but that's not the point. What is the point?

Music, and love can change a person beyond their belief. My outlook on life i so different since then. It might be for the better, or for worse. But i hope one day, maybe i can feel better about life, and be happy again. Anyway, hope i've contributed.

[Anneliesx]

When I read this you all seem like this sensetive,sweet guys who got their heart broke and fall in a depression and it makes me so sad to read this. Can't believe those girls leave you for something stupid.
Why aren't there nice guys where I live...

[Capoeirista666]

When I read this you all seem like this sensetive,sweet guys who got their heart broke and fall in a depression and it makes me so sad to read this. Can't believe those girls leave you for something stupid.
Why aren't there nice guys where I live...

why aren't there nice girls where i live... i think we should get in contact (joke part, i'm not a dangerous pedo, don't ban me for this)

[Jake-41]

When I read this you all seem like this sensetive,sweet guys who got their heart broke and fall in a depression and it makes me so sad to read this. Can't believe those girls leave you for something stupid.
Why aren't there nice guys where I live...

I have to thank her for it, honestly. It's made whom i am today, and i don't think that's such a bad thing.

[Simon]

why aren't there nice girls where i live... i think we should get in contact (joke part, i'm not a dangerous pedo, don't ban me for this)

You really need to take over this serious topic, too? Do you ever think about something else than yourself? I think I am a very tolerant person and I could've ignored that silly attempt of a joke, if you actually did have something interesting to add to this topic. Please don't post here again unless you do and please, save your excuses (I'm bored bla bla) only to get more posts.

When I read this you all seem like this sensetive,sweet guys who got their heart broke and fall in a depression and it makes me so sad to read this. Can't believe those girls leave you for something stupid.
Why aren't there nice guys where I live...

There probably are and they're just hiding inbetween all the assholes since it's easier not get hurt or feel lonely that way or they think it makes them seem more interesting, so they won't be left/cheated on again (which of course is a stupid assumption).
I would bet that you are more likely to find a nice guy, going through all the assholes, than if would going through all the nice guys you notice(!).

My experience: Being nice gets you tolerated, may be a casual friendship but only as long as you don't show any possible signs of hoping for more than that or else you have to also be useful for something. Being an even sweeter guy gets you rejected sooner or later for being to touchy. Being an arrogant dick makes you attractive.
Seems to me girls often deny that because they don't want to give the impression they don't want a nice guy for a meaningful relationship. But just being nice rarely even gets you there...

I have to thank her for it, honestly. It's made whom i am today, and i don't think that's such a bad thing.

I was afraid to say, I would consider myself lucky in your place, because I didn't want to be rude. After all, it's a pretty normal breakup situation (although having to see her all the time really sucks). But I'm glad you are already beginning to see it like that. The way I see it: Appreciate that you got 6 months out of it and now you just need to fight that stupidity in your head (which we all have), that you can't be happy without the person you're in love with right now.
Here's a dumb comparison, but sometimes they make you think in a good way: Only because you have tasted the best pizza in town and the place closed, doesn't mean you can't enjoy regular pizza anymore. Chances are, one day you will run into a place that has just as good or even better pizza and that should be worth hoping for. Some people try fasting for a while or going for the other food around and that's fine aswell. But I just really like pizza ... a lot

To put things into perspective again:
For me, the best I hoped for with her at any moment was a friendship and I was willing to accept that because she wasn't the typical girl who I would feel attracted to usually and I could also imagine us becoming "just" close friends. I really just wanted to enjoy this new feeling when being around her as long as I could and see what happens when we get to know each other, because she seemed to enjoy my company aswell and we had quite a lot in common. I am, as you can probably tell, pretty self-aware and even back then I knew, feelings could change for either one of us and I wanted to take the chances. It appeared to be the best solution for everyone, since she was also friends with my best friend. So she was okay with us being friends, which I was thankful for because I didn't want to have to avoid her all the time. But that's exactly what she then did and soon I realized how full of shit she was. It was all just self-righteousness and convenience to pretend she cared the least bit about me, while keeping me under control until she didn't need me anymore (I got her involved where I worked, because she told me she had to find a job or else would be forced to move and they were looking for someone filling in when I was unavailable and I didn't need that many hours anyway - great idea, I know .. lol). It became obvious when she kept taking over more of my hours while there was less work and I became more and more depressed and unreliable because of that. When I decided to confront her, she took advantage of my helplessness and I went down - hard. So much for not going into detail on that, haha. Yet, there is still so much more, but I don't even want to think about that again now and I also need to save something for my future songwriter carreer

What keeps frustrating me is that everyone (including me sometimes) still only seems to be complaining about how everybody else just cares about themselves (all you guys are assholes, so.. we dont have to care about anything!!!! y0, all you girls are sluts, go suck our dicks!!!), while only making life harder for those people who are not like that. It seems like we're all pissing into the same pool, while complaining about the smell.
And instead of getting our head out of our asses and allowing something to change for the better and appreciating what we have, we use being hurt as free pass to hurt someone else or an excuse for the status quo.

So there we are again. I wonder how I manage to always end up with those enormous posts, lol.
I was actually planning to kick this back more to the music aspect of my first post, but I guess it got lost on the way. May be someone else can do that now, I've got a headache.

[Anneliesx]

You guys talk like you need to act like a asshole to get a girl ,wich is stupid cause you're pretending to be
something you're not
and if ther's anything girls don't like it's that.
And when you're sensetive it doesn't directly mean you're too sensitive to be 'a real guy'.
The kinda guys I see all the time are these guys who act very sweet and send these sweet
,loving text messages wich are cliché or just ripped of internet.
And don't get me wrong all the girls love that cause their boyfrien is sooo sweet and sensitive.
To me it just makes me sick , say something you mean or say nothing at all.
There no real assholes or real sensetive guys here.
Just people who act like someone they think girls will like , trust me that will come out evantually.

This isn't really want I wanted to say but I hope you understand me, my english is to bad to have a real conversation.