The OFFICIAL (Not) Joke Thread

[upperclasszero]

you people are dicks. witty, clever dicks.

[PyroAMYac]

God created Adam and said, "I have given you everything you could ever want. Is there anything else you would like?"

Adam replied, "I would like a sandwich," to which God created Eve.

For me golf is a lot like women; if she isn't holding my wood, she should be holding an iron.

GRRRRR.

And AGAIN, you wonder why there are hardly any girls on here... Shame I can't just punch you for it though

Haha, you can try to strike me down with jokes tho!

I WISH I could think of some jokes directed the other way. This is the unfair world :/ I'll get back to you..

[Bobbyjames]

[Mitchell]

This reminds me of the dead baby joke thread we had a while ago

[Bobbyjames]

how do you get a baby off a bike?

throw a fridge at it.

[fergal41]

For me golf is a lot like women; if she isn't holding my wood, she should be holding an iron.

Somebody help me out here and make a 'balls-in-hole' pun. Far too late for me to be creative.

[gejmik]

Every joke that comes to my mind sounds funny in Czech but is lame in English. Good there's a lot of good ones, haha.
But yeah, I pray for Japan. (while laughing to these jokes)

[sumfan4]

"I know just how the Japanese feel - after 10 aftershocks I can't find my house either"

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES! Great joke!

What's Japan's favorite detergent?

Tide.

[RileSum]

What do you say to a women with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's already been told twice.

How do you turn a oven into a snowblower?
Give the bitch a shovel

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.

[Jeremy Kill]

These are Louis CK baby jokes...

Why did the four babies cross the road? Probably to follow their mother. Stupid fucking 4 babies.

What did the four babies have for lunch? I dunno. Just look on their fucking shirts. Goddamn messy asshole 4 babies.

Why did the 4 babies get thrown out of the bar? Cause they're just 4 stupid fucking little babies. Shitty fucking babies.

[fergal41]

Why do you put a baby into a blender upside down?

To watch its toes curl

[sumfan4]

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?

Spoiler: show

...neither have they!

[samueeL]

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on boy's face after he turns 12

I stopped a girl from being raped today, guess how?
I controlled myself

[Gregorovich]

This should be official joke thread.

PLAN.

Does anybody know how to change the title?

Also...
What gurgles and taps on the glass before it explodes?

Spoiler: show

A baby in a microwave.

[samueeL]

This should be official joke thread.

PLAN.

Does anybody know how to change the title?

Just edit your first post

[Shelley41]

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.

This should be official joke thread.

That is no joke, that is just a fact

[Gregorovich]

haha shelley 999 posts.

[samueeL]

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't, there's a clock on the oven.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares? What the hell is she doing out of the kitchen?

[Gregorovich]

What do you do if you find your wife knocking at your bedroom door?

Shorten her chains.

[Dylan]

what i don't get is why in most houses the bedrooms are upstairs, while the kitchen is downstairs/on the main level. wouldn't it save on chain length if the bedroom and kitchen were on the same level? better yet, right beside each other?