Somewhat of an issue of mine.

[Janet]

Here it is:

God doesn't exist for me. I feel that everything i want, i never get. Everything i have, i lose. Everything i do, i fail. I'm tired of always making myself feel better with the idea that someone else has it worse. Someone else has it a whole lot better too, so what?

Months ago i had this time when everything was going wrong. You know when a person has highs and lows, but when there's only lows, it's bad. Without any exaggeration, everything went sour. I didn't want to let anyone else in on how i felt the whole time, so i was pretty much alone with my heart full of hate for the world, i felt that i didn't deserve all the deaths of my loved one's, besides that, i almost lost my life hours before the new year too. Plus the smaller things that went wrong. All i've ever done was bad things to people i love and failed them, even when i meant good.

I'm scared, if history does repeat. Everything is going bad once again. It took all my strength to pull out of my shit situation, strength i don't have anymore. I've pretty much lost my faith now.

If someone has advice on making myself feel better, i'd love to hear it.

(If someone really really wants to know what happened, could ask me personally and maybe i'll tell you)

[samueeL]

Well, I feel sorry for you. But ''god'' gives you shit just that much how much you can carry. That's all I can say.

[Druska]

everyone has that issue sometimes
i used to feel like i failed to everyone i had some problems troubling my mind , i was so angry ... plus i'm not that kind of person who broadcast her feelings and troubles but then everything started to change i started to finally have some luck

[Madjid]

I feel so sorry for you too, i'm saying that coz i've been through serious hell myself, but everything went well after that.
I dunno how to tell you this, but blaming god over the difficulties that you've been and you will be going through in your life will not solve any of them...you can't just like god when you get an Ipod in your birthday, and hate him later when the Ipod breaks...i dunno if my point is clear, but i'd love it if we can talk about that in a more advanced way ( Add me on MSN if you feel like it ).

[LTS]

just find something that's good and focus on that and push out the badness... if that makes any sence

[Peterr]

look back, the bad things are easier to see than the good things. Think about it. I've can't even imagine being without my loved ones. ( i only lost 1) but, Think of it this way: would your loved ones want you to look back and be sad? I think they would like you to be having a good time.

Here's what my mom said to me:
"just play the cards your dealt the best you can"

So basically, whatever life throws at you, fight back twice as hard.

[Trainwreck]

Here's the deal.
You need lots of over the counter drugs, prescription drugs, and a bottle of water.
There's your ever so original way at dealing with these issues.

[wiggs1441]

just find something that's good and focus on that and push out the badness... if that makes any sence

[iemnaiz]

you only have one life, so make the most out of it. just forget about everything, its nice being alone for some time. sorry for the lost of your loves ones. if i'm ever sad or angry or whatever, i just listen No Reason or any of my fav songs over and over again. it works for me.NEVER COMMIT SUICIDE.

not sure if this will help but yeah thats all i can say. hope you'll feel better

[King of Contradiction]

Life is a yo-yo of ups and downs. I don't know how old you are so this might be a difficult answer but just keep going. Life will knock you back over and over and at times it feels like you've taken a bigger beating than everyone else.
For example, During my first year of University, my parents insisted I didn't take out a student loan (a loan that pretty much every student gets which is usually about £3000 every year) while everybody else did which meant I didn't enjoy University at all, I had to get jobs so I'd have enough money to eat and I only just managed that, it was a total nightmare but what made it worse was knowing that everyone else had their £3000 loans to rely on and could study and go out when and where ever they wanted while I was left working day and night and going to bed with little to eat. I also had this friend who got all this extra stuff with his loan so he'd buy all the stuff he ever wanted, flat screen tv, xbox360, psp hundreds of games on money he hadn't earnt or saved, and then he'd moan when i didn't have enough money to join his for a lunch out. It was pretty soul destroying.

Now i've got two more years of that ahead of me, you just have to remember this is how life is, it isn't easy but you've got to be able to take the good with the bad. Good things will happen to you even if they havent yet or you just haven't realised it yet.

[Janet]

King of Contradiction, i can say that your post even made me feel better, but i'm tired of being afraid for the life ahead, maybe it's full of my bad luck, maybe it isn't, these kinds of thoughts bother me. But good luck to you too.

Zian, i really was the last person in my mind to think of suicide, i thought it was lame and stupid, but then things got so out of hand that even i wanted to end my life, it was really THAT bad, i don't give a shit about myself, but i was afraid that i was hurting the one's i love, then again looking back i'm happy that i didn't, so i won't, trust me.

A friend of mine said that luck is mine to make, if i had bad luck, i should forget it and deal with things that make me happy. I've gotta say, she was right.

Thank you all for your advice. :]

[Bobbyjames]

why have you never spoke to me about this Janet!? in a way i can understand what your going through, going trough a rough patches in life, in been through some myself, but for me, the best way to make me feel better was the talk to people and let it all out, even if it was to randoms on the internet in a community like this, it made me feel wanted, made me feel loved and cherished in this world. which you are! i wish i lived near you so i can come give you a hug!

but if you wanna talk, you know you can always drop me a message, whatever way you look at it, you'll always have a friend in me

[Trainwreck]

Pssst, take my advice first.

[Dylan]

i almost lost my life hours before the new year too.

keyword: Almost.

im not going to tell you that God is great, or God is the answer to everything, cause people have their own beliefs and i am no one to say what people should believe. you have to say that even thought you tried your best to not hurt the ones you love, you have to see that you tried. trying is better than not giving a shit.

i am about to say something really corny, but i full-heartedly mean it. when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

[Janet]

^ Haha, really, that last sentence made me smile and i've gotta say that you're right, i did tried, i did get out of the crash alive, but why do i have to tolerate these things all in one year? Yes, everyone's close one's die, most of the people in the world almost die in a car crash, everyone's plans fail all the time, but these things all happen within your entire life, but for me, it's happening all in one year, and it's pretty god damn scary.